Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy

In a random order, here are the things I can think of that makes me feel happy:

#1 Long, warm, aromatic, bubbly baths.

I would love to go home every day and take the time to soak myself in a big tub while playing with my (water-resistant) phone. Ideally, the water will be warm to the point that it almost felt too hot for my skin and I would lather in bubbles would almost overflow to the bathroom floor; the water will has its color turned opaque from the soap and/or oils. Unlike my perfume, I would like my bath to smell sweet — scents like vanilla, bubble gum, or fruity like strawberry and grape. After the long bath, I would then start a complete beauty regiment: scrubbing off dead skin cells, wax unwanted hair off, put on hydrating face mask, massage my scalp with hair mask and then rinse it all in the shower. I can then continue with my normal showering routine.

#2 Having enough money to share.

I like money, I need money, and I want more money. Who doesn’t? And I know that it is hard to decide on an ideal amount of money for a living. What I would like, at least for now is to have enough money to share with my loved ones. I would love to be able to afford treating my loved ones whatever they desire — treat them to a fancy meal, cover all-expense trip to their dream destination, or fulfill their lifetime wishes that can be afforded with money. With enough money, I can be less… cheeseparing. I wish to not value things simply over their monetary value.

#3 Milk tea.

This is just me being a typical Asian. With or without boba, I really love milk teas! My memories of drinking tea start with my dad’s usual weekend morning ritual of having tea, sugar and graham crackers (roti gabin) on the front porch of our house. I would usually enjoy the graham crackers pieces while it is soaked in my teacup to let it seep in the hot, sweetened tea. Milk tea would then turn into a personal comfort beverage for me — usually I would combine jasmine tea with sweetened condensed milk.

After the Chatime craze in Indonesia that happened around my high school years, I began enjoying milk tea more and more (now with boba!) Currently, earl grey milk teas is my go-to drink of choice whenever it is available.

#4 Fried chicken.

Like most Indonesian, I like chicken. Chicken is the #1 choice of meat in Indonesia. Whether it is roasted, grilled, steamed, poached, and fried — you name it, I’d most likely like it, especially more when it is fried with a coat of flour and spices. Fried chicken is often considered as a fast food staple in Indonesia; almost every fast food chain (even those that primarily feature burgers) have their own spin on the popular dish. I personally really loved the fatty, crispy, salty tender chicken. It’s the ultimate comfort food for me. *Maybe* I can eat it every day for the rest of my life if only it has a balanced nutritional value.

#5 Sing-a-longs.

I really like singing in with a crowd, whether it’s in a karaoke box, at home with a set of portable mic, in a concert, or when a whole restaurant sang “happy birthday” loudly to an embarrassed customer sitting on a table next to me. I liked singing with someone else better than singing by myself. Come to think of it, maybe it seems weird because I rarely choose my own song at the karaoke and I don’t even like singing in the shower. I just like to join in with someone while they are singing. I like singing along with others.

#6 Travelling.

When I was younger, I dreamt of living abroad. I really enjoy countries with four different seasons. I don’t really enjoy being hot under the sun. Growing up, I came to embrace my being a child of the tropic — especially once I have the taste of living abroad for a longer period of time. Why? Because even while I was living abroad, I still wanted to travel somewhere else. I like the short escape; having a change of scenery for a certain period of time and then get back to a comfortable routine once I go back home.

I really like the experience, especially after having the chance to solo travel by myself and really enjoying my own company. I was happy to be able to use a foreign language and be understood in a language that I don’t even speak. I enjoyed getting into a random bus and just roam around a foreign city by myself. I love being brave for doing things that I wouldn’t do back at home. I love doing things that are only possible through travelling or only possible because I am travelling.

#7 Small parties.

I love hanging out with a small group of friends in an intimate setting where our little group can be loud. It may not be something extravagant, well prepared, or themed but I love get togethers where everyone contributed something. Extra point when there are organized activities.

#8 Having plenty of sleep and waking up on time.

I like to rest, rejuvenate, and recharge just like everyone else.

#9 Coffee table books.

I used to really be /into/ reading. My personal record is that I read three teen literatures in one day when I was in middle school. These days, I rarely buy physical books anymore because I know that I barely read the ones I’ve bought from eons ago. When I really want to read, I will read it on my Kindle app and read it while I am riding the MRT because my phone doesn’t get any signal while riding the trains underground LMAO.

Realistically, the books that I would likely pick up from my own personal (physical) library are mostly coffee table books. They are well designed, insightful, and they’re just about the right length — I can pick up reading at anytime from any point in the book and I won’t feel guilty for finishing reading it midway because… there’s no midway. I really, really still liked my little library and books but for now those coffee table books are my go-to choice for an instant mood lift.

#10 My nephew.

The little ball of sunshine is truly the highlight of my days. I really enjoyed his presence and I can talk, laugh, sing, and be myself when I am in front of him. Maybe it’s because he’s barely a year old and has yet to be able to judge me for being weird but maybe also because I really love to see how the love given to him truly manifested into the person he is growing up to be. Seeing how proud I can be of his little achievements day by day taught me to love myself in ways I have been able to love him. I truly enjoyed being an aunt.

—

Those are the things I can think of that I think can make me instantly be happy (while typing this post in my desk at work, after office hour). Now that I have finished the list, the next thing that hopefully will make me happy is the jazz show I will attend at the public library near my office and the bowl of Chinese-Italian fusion pasta I’m going to enjoy for dinner. Oh, to being happy and content!

Out of My Own Skin

Today, I went out for dinner with my brothers bringing my Tulisan Green Grass Hobo Bag that holds my green Topshop wallet I had since 11th grade; my secondhand Samsung S5 my friend gave me, my mom’s Xiaomi Mi Power Bank; a Fujifilm QCam analog camera; a couple of fine-tipped pens; a USB drive I last used a couple weeks ago to print out my thesis draft; and  a peach nylon pouch that I used as a makeup bag.

The bag contains four things: Etude House Precious Mineral ‘Blooming Fit’ BB Cream that I got since my early college years from my mom, a knock off beauty blender I bought at Foodhall so that I can reach my credit card minimum purchase limit as I was trying to buy two packs of q-tip, Etude House Big Cover Tip Concealer in beige — the first piece of makeup I bought out of free will in Jakarta, and a Wet n Wild lipstick 507C ‘Blushing Ball’ that I got as a present from my friend as she got back from the United States. I used to have so much more, but it got lost along the way as I was too careless in keeping them.

So in the car, as my brothers are joking with one another I decided to put on a makeup. Why not? I used The Body Shop Himalayan Charcoal Face Mask earlier shower today. My skin should’ve been pretty cleared out and although a bit dry, it just feels like a good day to wear makeup as we’re going to a mall in the south of the town for dinner. So I applied my three set makeup with the help of my phone’s front camera. At first, it feels weird, it’s been weeks since I last wore makeup and even I can count the times I wear makeup this year with my two hands. I made sure to thin out my layer of BB cream by wiping the top off a bit with a dry tissue. I also got a reaffirmation from my brother that my makeup wasn’t too thick. Then I proceed with my dinner.

As I got home pretty full and now with a Starbucks venti Caramel Macchiato leftover, I changed my clothes to my usual nightwear: an oversized shirt and shorts that guaranteed have a couple of holes in them. I then walked to the bathroom, find my usual cleanser — Etude House Wonder Pore Freshener (I swear this post is not sponsored by any brand whatsoever, my mom just like to think that I am really accustomed to Etude House product and due to my low interest in beauty stuff I don’t care about it and I’ll just use whatever product my mom bought for me) with Watsons Embossing Cotton Puffs.

First wipe — oh, there’s less makeup residue than what I expected.

Second wipe — of course, there are more residues than one would expect.

Third wipe —  wow there’s still some here and there, is this cleanser even effective?

As I proceed on grabbing my fourth cotton puffs of the night I looked at myself in the mirror. Honestly, I did not look so different from the time I put on my makeup.

Obviously, my lips were not as pink and glossy, my neck became a tone darker, my acnes are now visible, my face got a bit red from all the rubbing.

But really, not a huge difference.

I made sure that I had my makeup completely off by proceeding with the fourth wipe. The same conclusion was made. I continued washing off my face using Mentholatum Acnes Creamy Wash that I have been using for the last month — not knowing who really bought it and for whom, it was just there inside my bathroom. To finish off everything I used Wardah Lightening Face Toner. There, there. So much effort is put to clean up makeup that barely looked there; the ‘natural look’.

And there I found that maybe that amount of makeup is enough for me. That maybe the mascara I bought in Rotterdam was actually unnecessary and whatever brand of eyeliner I used to have on my peach bag is not needed. Maybe every piece of makeup I have is not needed — for I looked the same and I feel the same. But then I realize it’s not actually the makeup result that I really liked; it’s just that the fact that I tried improving myself to be more presentable to the community standard. Yet at other times, I feel empowered.

Or maybe I just like to spend some time painting my own face, realizing some parts of my face that I liked and some I really don’t. That I like putting it when I feel like it and for most of the days being comfortable in my own skin. Even sometimes I put on makeup as a reminder to take care more of my skin — look at how much effort it takes to clean a thin layer of makeup compared to sleeping off the dirt on my face every night since I thought “oh I don’t put any makeup I don’t need to wash my face tonight”. Sometimes, talking about makeup products like talking about that new designer collection that you cannot afford is also fun and the experience of buying one is also exciting.

I remember the first time I bought a full set of makeup from Martha Tilaar counter in a department store nearest to my house and the cashier thought that I was preparing for a theater performance (it was not, I was actually joining a beauty class, FAILED miserably and realized that I got no potential to become a makeup artist). I remember the time my friend got so surprised to know that I recognize a lip tint palette from a picture of a packaging of an up and coming beauty brand. I also remember getting so confused when a friend asked me to help him to look for a good shade of lipstick for her mom at Tonymoly while I just knew right then that Tonymoly sells makeup and not shoes (LMAO). I also remember when my friend laughed at me for using Wardah as my go-to brand for skincare since she thought it was not ‘sophisticated’ enough. I also remember being so lost during the time my friends are talking about contour sticks and the time I was so proud of buying The Original Beautyblender that I immediately told my friend to “invest in one ASAP!!!”

Sometimes I feel like whenever someone suggested that I have to use makeup was to cover my ugliness, but I have to realize that sometimes people are just curious about my skin, what I would look like if ‘decorated’ with X product, or would I be willing to let people test their makeup skills on me. Of course, it’s different when I have other people put makeup on my face. It sometimes feels uncomfortable, but it is interesting to see how other see the nooks and crannies of my own face and how they either emphasize the good and hide the bad. Like a painter, each hand has a different touch and it is interesting to see yourself as the media but with your unique features and the makeup artist ideas coming into one.

From this, I have to teach myself that makeup does not define a person. “Oh, you like applying makeup? That’s cool. Oh, you don’t usually wear makeup? That’s cool. You look beautiful either with or without.” I also need to improve my makeup skills ’cause although I don’t plan to wear it often I have to at least look on point at the right moment. As for now I don’t think I’ll ever be so invested in makeup nor do I intend to wear makeup more often. I just come to appreciate it more on myself and especially by myself. For I can be beautiful inside my own skin as well as from the outside, and so are you.

A Talk on the Aged and Old

I spent a whole Thursday with my friends, some of her cousins and friends of her cousins to a local theme park. The party consists of four 20-year olds, two tweens and four teenagers. We spent the day planning on screaming our lungs out while trying different rides on the park. But there’s a condition: I’m a scaredy cat. The thing is, every single of my friends who are my age are the same.

It’s not only our apprehension to height, speed, swings and twists that held us back, but our fatigue kicked in and even one of my friend uses his ‘rising cholesterol level’ as a reason to back out of rides. Us, the 20-year olds, spent most of our time eating (we ate at three restaurants and bought multiple snacks on the go) as being on the rides are too scary for our mentality and to our physique: the pounding heart, the anxiousness, the headache. While we were complaining and sitting out our rides, the youngsters rode the roller coaster multiple times in a row and asked for more while laughing, maybe at us for being a coward.

It is then when we raise the question, “are we old?” Entering an age number that are now wholly different, we felt the pressure we had never felt before. And what is to blame? Our age. The number. If we were on the edge of being 19, what will be blamed is the condition that “we’re not feeling it” — but aging seems to be a better excuse by the time we entered the big two-o’s, a defining new age.

Both amazement and jealousy went through our mind: how can the youngsters be so energetic? It is ironic as we should’ve been enjoying our times spending a good effort on fun activities with our supposedly youthful energy. Yet the chance to have something to blame on becomes a good excuse. Maybe in reality we’re just too lazy, too unenthusiastic, or annoyed with the child-spirited vibe coming off of a theme park. Or instead our screw got loose and being less daring comes out of the fact that we are more aware of risks and consequences, be it a part of growing up.

This is just a written concern coming from the four of us, which we thought of while enjoying a portion of beef bowl in the conditioned room while the teens and tweens are running around having another try of a tower-drop ride. This is so bothersome, but we had already spent a whole lot energy screaming our lungs out during the time we rode a boat through a doll house.

Is getting old(er) a truly scary thing?

A Little Rant from An Old Friend

It was November 21st where I got a bunch of notifications from multiple people asking me the same question: “Have you watched Digimon Tri? What do you think about it?” Being an avid Digimon fan since the year 2000, had finished the whole animes for multiple times and despite never being into the games except some few, my friends would share their excitement with me when it comes to Digimon. I cried when I heard Toei Animation announced they’re making Digimon Adventure Tri — a new installment which follows the continuation of Digimon Adventure and Digimon Adventure Zero Two, set in 2005 where the kids had become teenagers.

By that very date, my trackpad actually broke that I panicked for not being able to watch the first movie of the six-part OVA (or the four episode specials, for us international viewer) as soon as possible. Then it comes to the time when I finally begun to watch in anticipation. Wada Kouji’s new rendition of Butterfly began and I also began to cry. This is it: they’ve grown up. All of us grew up and this is the little present from them to me, to allow me to see them and caught up to them. I wrote this post as I am listening to the Digimon Adventure soundtrack playing on my iTunes. This feels so dear to my heart, but the thing is after the first movie, Digimon Tri does not make me feel nostalgic. There I said it.

Taichi (or Tai, whatever you want to call him) grew up to someone that I do not longer recognize. Sure he still plays soccer, sure he still has a crazy hair, sure he had his goggles tact to his neck. But the moment we all see him so indecisive about his future, the scene in which we see he reluctantly began to put an offense to defend his own friends and city, the moment he hid his emotion a bit too well that he became a recluse. He became so out of character that this development can almost be considered offensive. I can totally see Daisuke (Davis) having such dilemma as it is just his character, but Taichi? Really? This is our future diplomat and knowing Taichi, he should’ve had the ambition to become a prime minister already. The only moment we saw him that vulnerable is only before Agumon evolves to Skullgreymon and that the circumstances made sense. If Taichi kept on acting that way, I won’t be surprised if Skullgreymon appears a few more times.

The character development department of Yamato (Matt) is also a bit lacking — it is as if he is the same Yamato we knew on Digimon Adventure and that Zero Two is just a dream. Compare Zero Two’s Yamato to the Tri. It is as if he hasn’t matured enough; and that he has no chill and incapable of laughing. Some of his acts were also would be more suitable for Taichi, as Yamato is supposed to be the cool one. The relationship between the characters had become so loose and it is sad to see that Yamato has to remind Taichi of their adventure in the DigiWorld as if it is nothing. His brother, Takeru (T.K.) had grown up and gotten boring. Is it just simply the consequence of growing up, to become boring?

The only characters that I think still true to the first two installments are Mimi and Koushiro (Izzy). Mimi being her sassy self is always a refreshment. Koushiro always been a nerd and it’s funny that still no one listen to him blabbing about the distortion in the Digiworld. Their hinted romance is so cute that it became one of the few things that might save this whole series. It is sad that Mimi-Koushiro is a thing and Takeru-Hikari ship are not hinted to sail. It’s like everyone’s OTP ever since the start.

Joe is a dick, as usual. It’s so sad to see him not coming to join his friends to save the world alongside with Gomamon, especially knowing that he had once missed a test to save Iori with his crest of honesty/responsibility that I think is just a meaningless title as for now. Sora, our future fashion designer who is now stuck in a love triangle dresses very poorly and still have a bad case of helmet hair. God save her. Maybe its the character design that I don’t like as a whole, but this is just sad.

The new character, Meiko is cute and so far likable. Her partner Digimon is the right balance of cute and coolness which I really look forward to. The secret organization stuff is just weird and would only make sense if the world does not freak out. I mean, remember who saved y’all from Devimon? You watched the whole trippy fights from the human world and now you’re acting surprised? As if. Go ask your local DigiDestined for consultation as they’re spread all around the world. Or are we just going to forget Zero Two at all? Even the main DigiDestined of Digimon Adventure Zero Two were only seen in a short, mysterious and dark clips that don’t give us anything.

I really hope that Digimon Adventure Tri get better by the long shot. The Digimon overall looked as cool as ever although Agumon gotten so skinny that we wonder, had he been playing in too many episodes. I hope these characters come to their senses, as the series is really about the Digimon and the DigiDestined. I am this protective as they had been such a friend since I was little and they deserve some dignity.

Should I really start writing my own fan fiction to fix this mess?

A Dilemma of a Gryffindor

It was a Thursday afternoon, my friends and I were waiting for the class to begin as we were discussing out Pottermore’s Hogwart’s House assignment. My friend who had yet taken the test by the o-glorious Sorting Hat claimed that she’s positive she will be a Hufflepuff. Another one were proudly announcing that she’s a Slytherin. Then the two of them suggest another friend to join Pottermore in order to take the Sorting Hat quiz, assuring her that she’s ‘totally a Ravenclaw’ which my friend were excited about. Before I admit myself being sorted a Gryffindor, my Hufflepuff-per-sé friend said that “Good thing we’re not Gryffindors! They are soo boring!” Being the supposedly brave character that I was destined – or um, sorted into, I tried to neutralize the conversation that everyone is special as they are despite their assortment. In a Divergent-esque argument, I said that you can be ambitious, resourceful, brave and be knowledgeable at the same time to ease the tension in a true Hufflepuff fashion (ha! Ironic). I was ashamed that I cannot bravely pronounce that I am a Gryffindor at the time.

“But still, Gryffindor sucks. They had always been perceived as a hero as if we are nothing.” Now, this looks more like a political analysis by the left wing, but I cannot say that they were wrong. J.K. Rowling, a Hufflepuff, had written the book beautifully but only in the perspective of a Gryffindor. They are valued for whatever charm (not a pun to Professor Flitwick’s Charms class) they have that is carried out their bravery while other characters from other houses seemed one-dimensional. The friendship circle was also seen as if each circle belongs only exclusively to one house while inter-house friendship is overshadowed by the great amount of rivalry between the houses in getting their name recognized for the House Cup.

I’ve only read the Harry Potter series last year, I finished the seven books in a month nearing my mid-term tests. I had always been a fan of the franchise, I watched the fourth to the last movie on the first day of its release in Indonesia – but nowhere as devoted as other Potterheads which I respect and admire. Prior to the official test on Pottermore, I always saw myself as a Ravenclaw due to my nerdiness and strike of elegance. I always saw Gryffindor as the vaguest house on the book; anyone can be brave due to different circumstances and on different times. But qualities like being knowledgeable, loyal and ambitious seemed like an eternal quality that makes the owner stand out. Gryffindor character seemed interchangeable as their bravery seemed to be a temporary struggle. We never see a Ravenclaw struggling to learn, a Slytherin self-doubting, and a Hufflepuff questioning the value of loyalty. But they can all be brave.

As a Gryffindor, I haven’t seen myself and my bravery being my greatest characteristic of power. But everyone can be a hero by their own terms regardless their House background, and sticking to the stereotype can only limit your mind. Maybe this is just a test as old as the Myers-Briggs, or really it is a true test of your potential. But don’t treat Gryffindor any less as we don’t want to be treated more. Or maybe the rest are just jealous of many of us taking the spotlight.

Again, jk.

J.K. Rowling.

(P.S. My Hufflepuff friend taught me that lame pun)

“You’re Going to Be a Good Lawyer”

It’s been two years since I attend my university to pursue a law degree. As a future Bachelor of Law (LL.B ) or as what we call it here as Sarjana Hukum it is expected that I should have found an interest in law just like what I thought I had in high school. Fighting for justice while obtaining a great range of knowledge in the midst of beautiful literature translated within the laws. Yet I feel uninspired and it made me – I mean, it still makes me believe that I wasn’t good enough for this career. I envy those who had a dream, who had learned hard enough until they found voices that guide them to their dreams, or at least voices that tell them that they have a dream. I have not got it.

Until the second week of my fifth semester, during Conflict of Laws class. It was amongst jokingly discussing my professor’s ethnic background (he challenged us, by the way) due to his racial ambiguity that he finally point out a question: “how do you prove that you are of a particular ethnical background?” Two students before me took an opportunity to present their argument, another one was left stunned. The professor then pointed his finger at me.

“You, what is your name?”

“Selena, sir.”

“Oh! Are you Italiano?” he took a guess upon hearing my name.

I can only slowly shook my head as everyone else in class giggled on his absurd remarks.

“So where are you from then?

“My parents are Padangnese.”

The lecturer for the fourth time asked the same question, now to me.

“Umm.. you can see my parents’ wedding photograph?” My answer sounded more like a challenge than anything else. He responded with another challenge: “What else?” he asked, which I answered that I have a family house back in West Sumatra to prove him. He then laughed and shook his finger upside down. Whether it’s pity, shock, or just pure surprise that an answer like that came up. True that it’s not exactly a good legal basis – but a somewhat unxpected reasoning.

“I can tell that you’re going to be a good lawyer.”

Then someone comes at the door which resulted in my professor to kick him out of the class for not respecting the class punctuality. His remarks end there, with him apologizing for the disturbance and just continued his lecture on the importance of evidence. But boy, I shed a tear within that moment. It was the first time I was recognized in a way where my potential are valued specifically in the field of law. Such sentence, a short compliment from a person I respect had changed my perspective that I can do it, I can face law school, I can be good at something, I can achieve greatness. All from a professor who was so impressed of that one answer regarding a photograph.

I don’t care that the moment was disturbed, or that no one else heard that remark. Just that alone however becomes an amazing motivation that assures me that I’m on the right path, there’s something in me that I shall believe, I am not dysfunctional.

Funnily enough before writing this post and upon hearing my lecturer’s remark, I was about to write a post titled ‘Regret on Entering Law School’. Now I realize I was just desperate for an acknowledgment and an encouragement. Although now I had not catalyzed a dream which I am sure of, I believe that I can find it someday. Maybe in law, maybe in something else. But I have to be sure that I can be good at it. And you have too.

What I Learn From A Life Without A (Smart)Phone

Look to your right, or your left, and I can almost guarantee you have your phone beside you. Maybe, you’re using one right now and facing it right upon you. As I am writing this, I have mine placed on my left; but it is only after three months of absence that I finally can get a hold of this Samsung S3. What’s interesting, those three months are my summer which I spent without a phone — a smartphone to be exact since I have a backup phone in place when my S3 refuse to charge and turn on. My backup is actually a Blackberry Onyx purchased in 2009 that I use solely for texting and making calls (also, playing Solitaire). So my life has pretty much been lonely as if not always without the presence of internet at the back my own hand, everywhere. I definitely started noticing differences around me during the times I am not with my phone.

I learned that a phone really is a great distraction within a social setting. After setting up meetings with my friends — either via e-mail, via text, via phone call, or via Line from my desktop — I caught a glimpse of moments in which I was left dumbfounded as everyone is busy with their phone. A reminder like, “hey I’m here, we ought to talk about something,” was often thrown as a call for attention. Maybe if I have a phone at that time I would also drown myself in whatever’s on the screen, but the only thing available on my phone is a single game that I’ve finished over and over again.

I don’t see the mobile phone as something negative, but only then its effects really hit me. I got lonely, whether when I am with people or without one. I missed a lot of group conversation, Snapchat goofs, meetings, and even some business opportunities. It is sad when I have this ‘inability’ to share and express as I cannot take pictures to post to Instagram or to post a tweet right away when I feel like I have something clever to say. As when I am with people, I am lost in many conversations and gossips. Although surprisingly without a phone I don’t feel any urge to ‘stalk’ people and my curiosity peaked on more important things I found on the net, which I find to be an extremely positive effect of having a broken phone. Now because I am bored most of the time without a phone, I finally find a new hobby which is to participate in PostCrossing.

Another fact I found out is that I actually spent more money on phone credit. I have to make a lot of calls and at the same time were forced to overcome my fear of making phone calls to strangers. Funnily at the same time it is a great excuse to miss out of things that I don’t want to do. I blurt out excuses of my phone being broken and successfully dodged myself out of things I am reluctant to do. Yet another con, as I have a different number on my backup phone, it really messes up several things including a mixed up Gojek order, missing a class at uni and causes a typo that lost me a brand deal. Maybe that’s karma, perhaps.

I think after going through a month without accessing social media through my phone, which I think it is the essential problem I faced in going without a phone, I think it is true that the saying “phone brings the farther people closer, and the closer people farther,” occur due to the effect of phones and its convenience in our daily life. After the days had passed I can conclude that I can live without a (smart)phone, but I would prefer to live with it. I miss out many things but not the most important ones in my life since I know that people who are important to me would be available regardless by the reach of a phone (or a postcard, in my most extreme case) or through a buzzing chat room. My phone definitely contribute greatly to my life, yet by this I am reminded that staying away from it once in a while is actually a good thing.

What Is The Deal With Eating Alone?

I have always identified myself as an asocial, introverted, and my friends often refer me as a loner, which I found myself agreeing to it. Introversion is seen as how one restore their energy by restraining themselves from a social situation. Yet despite those labels I put on myself, there are still times here and then that I wish I could have gone out and basically get out of my room. But sometimes when there’s no one available for me, then it is the time where I should bear in venturing by my own — and that does not exclude the idea of eating out. As a self-proclaimed gourmet and as a food enthusiast, I am always excited to try out new dining places in town and savoring its delicacies even though it would mean to disregard my diet plan. Hence, the reason why I started my own food blog were to document such passion in. The thing is, eating out is always viewed as a social activity. Going out for a table for one seemed to be frowned upon in the society, but you at least go to a café if you want to grab a few bites for your own and devour it in the corner. WiFi optional.

Admittedly I often dine out alone, but that doesn’t make me any less hesitant and embarrassed the next time I do it. “Oh, it’s just me alone” seemed to be a presenting statement that I am single, unwanted, and lonely, those of which brought my introversion into a darker light as I feel like I would then be perceived as a selfish, antisocial, greedy glutton. The only way to avoid that kind of sentiment were either to bring in a friend or just grab a take out so then you would not be wasting the space on a table that were meant for at least a party of two. Another confusion is the limitation to the food that you would try since there’s no one to share food with while your stomach cannot help it if you are ordering multiple dishes. Or if your stomach can do, the server’s seemingly judgmental glares ogling over you dear solo diner will make you feel so uneasy. But why did I felt that way?

Dining alone has its own amazing advantages:

1. It allows me to eat at my own pace;
2. It let me order my favorite meal without any hesitation;
3. It gives me space. Literally. Get that cushy sofa bench seat whenever the service is slow or take out your notebook and begin scribbling on the table while waiting for your dish to come;
4. In an attempt of being social, eating alone allows you to have a conversation with the servers, the chefs, and even the manager and hear some of their most interesting stories;
5. It stops you from eating too much, like from that one platter for three that you ate with only one of your friend plus all the mains you’re eating;
6. Dining becomes much quicker and efficient;
7. Dressing up and make up optional;
8. You can focus on your phone without being called out for ‘not paying enough attention’;
9. Reservations are less necessary;
10. It is seen as a way of treating yourself; a reward;
11. You don’t have to wait for other people to finish their meal;
12. You can visit the restaurant at any time within its operational hour;
13. You look so damn independent, so established, so stable, so well.

Of course it has its own disadvantages:

1. Ordering extra is not good for your wallet and maybe your stomach, too;
2. You have to pay your food by your own;
3. Phone reservation might seem odd;
4. If the restaurant is pretty busy, you’ll be the first one expected to leave;
5. Continuation of the previous points, without a party alongside your meal you have no excuse to stay at the restaurant much longer;
6. Strangers might find you approachable, and not all of them are pleasant;
7. ‘Dining is an experience’;
8. As if you haven’t heard the term takeout, delivery, or Seamless.
9. You’ll look like a dork.

The cons I listed above doesn’t seem to be a big deal. It certainly not a bigger deal in comparison to the thought of being seen as a friendless loser since a good friend has always been seen as a commodity. Your worth is defined by the people surrounding you — that always seemed to be the idea. Your friends defined your social groups at school, i.e. the popular, the jocks, the nerds; and that doesn’t end there. Your acquaintances today defined your social presence, your position within the societal hierarchy based on your wealth, network, and class. The problem is not the ‘alone’ part since today most people do things by themselves, but eating has always highlight the condition of humans in being a social creature that grows by the idea that eating is communal. In Indonesia, there was a Javanese proverb that roughly translates to “to eat or not to eat, it’s the gathering that matter”. If to dine alone means to stray from the concept, but is it so strange when these days being alone seemed so normal? By the time it becomes the norm, hopefully, the solitary can better survive this modern world.